Didn't believe me...?

I'm sure I've mentioned to a few of you that every time we have to get on bus in China, people act as if it's the last bus out of China on Armageddon day. It's crazy how they push and shove just to get on the bus. It literally cannot be explained in words. But maybe a picture will help...

Image taken from China Smack

This really did happen in Beijing earlier in the week! Now hopefully you have a very vivid image of what we have to deal with everyday. Oooooo China!

My students love me

So I had this girl in class yesterday who, when I passed out a practice SAT test, decided she didn't want to take it and wanted to read instead. She sat there reading her huge book until I approached her and asked if she was finished with her practice exam. She looked at me, said no and that she wasn't interested and went back to reading her book! I didn't say anything to her, but when I got home, I sent an email to the office saying that she was rude and disrespectful in class. Today, she walked into my classroom before the bell rings, handed me a note and walked out. I was like... OOOK?

It's not everyday your students tell you you're a cute girl. HAHAH. Ooo China!

Photoshop much?

The other day Brandon and I got stuck waiting 20 minutes for the bus that didn't want to arrive. (The bus finally arrived packed to the brim... so needless to say we didn't get on it. 30 seconds later another bus pulls up totally empty and we score a seat! That's what I like to call winning! I have to admit that we actually laughed at the other bus as we pulled up to it!) To entertain ourselves, we got to discussing this one billboard.

From first glance, nothing really appears out of the ordinary, however, at second glance you start noticing things. First off, where is the guy's right hand?! It seems to have magically disappeared! Then you look a little closer, and you realize that his right foot is missing too! I wonder if anyone got fired over this botched advertisement.... my Magic-8 ball says "outlook not so good". 

Oooo China! You sure do love your Photoshopping a bit too much!

Also, here's a random toy featured in the window of some store. Do people really buy these or is it in the window just to make more room on the good shelves for stuff people actually buy?

And last but not least... I'm a baller! 

Consecutively numbers bills! Booo yah!

Fraud in China

I’ve pretty much have known for a while that China commits a lot of fraud (i.e. bootleg dvds, fake Apple products, Samsang (vs Samsung) and tons more) but I have never really truly realized how far deep the fraud culture runs in China. After reading a white paper written by a Yale and Harvard Business School grad titled “Busted: The top 5 ways that Chinese students cheat on their undergraduate applications to American School” I am truly appalled and disgusted. Below I am going to summarize the key points from the white paper for you so you can join me in being appalled and I apologize for adding my own little snippets, which I can already foresee as not being so nice and understanding.

First and foremost, I want to state that the author of the white paper, Tom Melcher, adds his own disclaimer in his writings to state that although he understands why the Chinese cheat, but he doesn’t by any means think that the ends justify the means. So as far as I am concerned, he is on my side!

The paper starts off by listing some shocking statistics: 90% of recommendation letters are written by someone other than the teacher who just signs and mails it in as if they wrote it, 70% of the applicants’ essays are written by someone else, 50% of high school transcripts are falsified, 30% of financial aid applications contain false information, 10% of achievements and awards are fake!!! These numbers are simply outrageous! What is a college application? Well it’s a compilation of your high school grades and achievements along with essays that you spent months writing and are highly thought out and written recommendations by some of your closest teachers. Throw in an SAT or ACT score and you’re good to go. So I just named off 5 things that are part of a complete application and now I am being told that the Chinese falsify 4 of the 5 parts (maybe even all 5 if they have someone take the SAT for them) and their only rebuttal as to why they do it is: Everybody cheats! *Face palm*

So ok, why is it that they cheat? Well, first they face extreme pressure from the parents. If you think helicopter parents in America are bad, Chinese parents are twice as bad. These parents were around for China’s Cultural Revolution and have grown up being told to focus on getting rich. Furthermore, they have seen millions of people get rich by “bending or breaking the rules, almost always with impunity” and therefore in the parent’s mind “honesty and fairness are naïve dreams”. In other words, the PARENTS think (and teach their kids) that cheating, or bending the rules as they call it, is totally ok! Where is the logic in that! Moral compass….. down the toilet.

The second reason why they cheat is due to agents. Since the college application process is complex, as we all know, the Chinese parents hire agents to help them and their kid navigate this maze that is college applications. These agents get paid around $6,000-$10,000 for a full year of service that usually includes test prep amongst other things. These agents also get a bonus of up to $10,000 if the child gets into a Top 30 or Top 10 University (Chinese care way too much about brand names in my opinion). As this is a lot of money to a Chinese person when the majority of Chinese live for under $2 a day, the agents will do anything in their power to make sure the kids get into great universities, no matter the means. This is when the Chinese actually get creative (first I’ve ever seen). The agents go as far as PhotoShop-ing the transcripts to look better, or to make up awards that the student won, writing essays and filling out all applications. At times, the student doesn’t even have access to any communication with the universities they are applying to because the agent set up an email account on behalf of the student and checks it every day and responds on the students’ behalf as needed. Usually, the agents do all these manipulations without pressure from the parents, but per the article, every parent they interviewed mentioned that they spent countless hours reviewing the agents work so it’s reasonable to assume that the parents are aware of all the agent’s “adjustments”. Once again, point for parents and their morality here (heavy on the sarcasm).

Lastly, the high school themselves add to cheating dilemma. Some schools are too helpful, meaning they have no problem tweaking a transcript here or there because they gain “face” and prestige by having a higher percentage of their graduating class go to American schools. The going rate of a tweaked transcript is about $15 which to a secretary that makes only $450 a month is a lot and totally worth doing. The schools that are the opposite of helpful just force the students to make up their own transcripts. If the school won’t give them one because they know the student is applying to an American school, what else are the parents and agents to do? As a side note, transcripts in China are seen as flexible documents because of the way classes are structured. This structure difference sometimes requires a “normalization” process. So since normalization is common all over China, other requested adjustments (i.e. higher grades and class rank to be sent to an American university), “aren’t seen as dishonest, they are just seen as an attempt to make the school’s students (and therefore the school) look good.” So what I basically gather from what the Chinese do, is that we should go to the inner city schools in Chicago and give all the students As. That way they all look good and all of the inner city issues that we have will be solved. Sounds like a really easy and great solution! So why don’t we do that!? Well, because we don’t lie like that to make ourselves look better! It’s just simply not acceptable! O and the kicker to this is that the Chinese only cheat on American university applications. They don’t cheat on the Chinese ones because getting caught leads to some serious ramifications. But since America is so far away, the Chinese have no problem doing it since the perceived risk of getting caught is minimal. So lesson learned kids, cheat when you won’t get caught. Can’t wait to teach my future five year old that!

And just one last point from the white paper that really just tickles my belly, then I’ll stop, I swear. So the Chinese students who apply to American universities are almost always from wealthy families, meaning they do not need financial aid. However, the Chinese perceive financial aid as an “indicator of applicant’s attractiveness to the school, and not as a sign of financial weakness.” What that basically means is that since all of the applicant’s friends know that the family is wealthy, when they hear that the student received a $10,000 scholarship, they think it’s a merit scholarship for the student being so smart! In other words, stealing money from those students who really need it is just another way for the Chinese to increase their face and look better in the eyes of all of their friends.  I’d insert a sarcastic comment here but I am at a loss for words. I hope you can see why.

So to summarize, the Chinese lie their way into American universities and they think it’s ok and justified. With the number of mainland Chinese studying in America growing 20% annually, this is going to cause many problems in the future. There are many students getting into quality universities that don’t deserve it while American and other foreigners are missing spots that they deserve. The Chinese might think it’s not fair to them if they don’t cheat, but from my perspective, it’s not fair to every other applicant from all over the world. Who’s right here? I know my answer, but what is yours?

And last but not least, all the statistical and informative data was taken from the white paper. O and any really sophisticated sounding sentences were probably taken from there to. So to give full credit to the author, please check out the link of the actual whitepaper here. Cheerio!

Ooo China - Pizza hut

So we went to Pizza hut the other day. In China, Pizza huts are kind of a date place. The inside looks rather nice. In fact, they even have escargot on the menu. Fancy right? 

The Pizza Hut Extraordinaire 

Pasta with sausage that tastes like dog food

Well, in the good ol’ US of A, fancy restaurants are usually known for their impeccable service. Not that I want to compare the Pizza Hut in China to a Michelin grade restaurant in Chicago, but I still want to stress service or in my case, the lack there of. At the Pizza Hut, one of us ordered pizza and the other ordered pasta. The pizza came and was fully consumed before the pasta even showed up at the table. The concept of timing food so it arrives together so the party that came together can eat together is totally lost on the Chinese. This is not the first time where one of us has completely finished our meal before the other one even started.

Oooo China! Get your stuff together!

Ooh China - Poor flowers

If you take a close look at these flowers you will notice that they are not potted. They are simply placed in a nice pattern while still in their plastic little cups/baggies. I have a theory for why they might do it this way. One being that they need to make more jobs, so since the flowers will not last long this way, someone has to replace the flowers weekly. Another theory is..... ummm I have no idea! Plants are meant to be planted! So plant them.

Oooo China, flowers like to eat too. Plant them.

Ooh China - A few odds and ends

Brandon and I met another foreign teacher who took us out to show us the town (thank god for her! She knows a place where you can easy bake your own cake!!). Here are a few Ooh China moments I ran into while gallivanting around town.

Our first stop was good old Dunkin Donuts to grab a nice iced coffee (ice is a rare commodity here: it’s either unavailable or it could be full of bacteria and whatnot so you don’t want to use it). I was checking out some donuts and this is what I found:  Pork Floss.

 Ooh China! First off, why do you put pork on your donuts? And two, what the heck is pork floss?! Do I even want to know?

Our next stop was good old Carrefour, which is the French version of Walmart. It looked ultra promising and I think I’ll be able to find a few “luxuries” there when I’m in need of some good ol’ USA homey feelings. Anyways, I came upon this aisle:

Really China? You need a whole aisle for soy sauce?! I didn’t know you had 298,753 different choices. I guess when you use something a million times a day, you want to have “variety”. Whatever floats your boat! (It also kind of goes with the Chinese saying of 我是出来打酱油的, which literally means "just looking for soy sauce" aka" mind your own business")

A few aisles over, I discovered this:

All I have to say about that is that I’ve never seen so many random flavors of oreos ever in my life. Chinese like choices. Lots of them.

And last but not least, we took a stroll through the night market and I came upon this sight:

Nothing really shocking since the Chinese don’t have any rules of the road. But still. First off, this car appears to be facing the wrong way (as you can tell by the fact the sign is not facing the driver’s seat) on the street, and two it’s illegally parked (along with another 10 cars on the same road). Could someone tell me why bother with these signs if no one follows them and if the police don’t enforce them? 

Oooh China, not even during  a little stroll through our city do you cease to amaze me. Will I still be able to find as many Ooh China moments towards the end of the year as I do at the beginning? Challenge accepted!

Ooh China: I have to pay for what?

Upon entering a restaurant I see a plastic wrapped set of dishes: a small plate, a spoon, a small soup bowl, a tea cup and a small water glass. On the plastic is says 1¥. Ummm sooooo I have to pay for my dishes!? Ooh China!

Ooh China: a line is the quickest point from one place to another

Well not in China. There is no such concept of a line, which few exceptions, here. A bus shows up and people will rush and push on to it like the world will end if they don’t get on the bus now. Going through security at the train station putting items on the conveyor belt to be x-rayed, they will put their stuff on top or in front of yours even if you got there first. And they will be just as eager to grab their stuff before you as if you are going to steal it. Getting on the train is also a huge massive group of pushing and shoving people, even though we have assigned seats. My favorite was getting on the airplane after a shuttle bus dropped us off at the plane. There was only one ramp up to the plane so the attendant could check your tickets again, and everyone was running and pushing for their lives to get up into the plane. Once again, we had assigned seats.

One exception seems to be long lines. For some reason, people line up for that. I don’t really see any logic to why and when they will queue up. I will let you know when I figure it out. Ooh China.

Ooh China: Pants or chaps?

One of the first things you will notice is the excessive amount of babies’ bottoms you will see in China. Apparently, babies do not wear diapers her which is fine. However, all children are either completely bottomless (but wearing a shirt…) or they are wearing what can only be described as chaps. There are multiple versions of these chaps but it’s pretty much the same concept. The ones I find most funny are the baby jeans. They look like normal baby jeans meant for a kid who just recently got the hang of walking (so under/around 2 years old). Well imagine that the seam going from the crotch to the top of the butt was simply not sewn together. Instead there is a giant hole and the kid is not wearing anything underneath. I have not seen these in action yet, and I’m not sure if I want to, but I hear that the kids simply squat and go wherever they are. I have witnessed this exact scene with a five year old girl in Shanghai. We were getting bubble teas when I turn around, see this girl walk up to a tree, drop her pants, pee, pull up her pants and walk away. I was pretty much speechless.

At other times you will see a kid simply wearing an apron which covers the front, but leaves the back bare... Ooh China.

I obviously don't have the heart to take a picture of this, so I stole one from google so you get the idea.

Ooh China: Yea I can totally read that...

Yesterday we finally met a fellow foreign teacher who works at our school! It was a big day! He took us into town, which take a flipping hour and two bus transfers, since we were wanting western food and a trip to Walmart. On our way to Walmart, he pointed out one of the books stores that sells book in English. So glad he pointed it out to us since we could obviously tell ourselves...

Also, the English section was very well labeled (insert huge dose of sarcasm). Ooh China, thanks for your help with finding what I was looking for. :)

O and here are some of the book choices they offer. See one that seems out of place?

Answer: Lonely Planet Canada

Ooh China: the beginning

On an episode of How I Met Your Mother, Ted starts dating a girl (Katy Perry!) whose name no one can remember. Due to her silly, random, nonsensical stories that don’t really go anywhere and odd things she did, they decided to name her Honey which went perfectly with the well known phrase “ooooh honeeeey” that often followed every one of her many stories. As such, I am starting a group of posts called “Ooh China” in honor of Honey and in honor of the many different things the Chinese people like to do.

Starting with the first: Rules of the Road. Or lack thereof I should say. After three weeks of observing the multitudes of buses, motos, bikes, and other motor vehicles, I have decided that the rules of the road are actually more suggestions than anything else. For example, while driving home in a taxi late one night, we were driving next to a giant cement truck. At every red light, our taxi driver would dutifully stop and wait for the green (he was probably the best taxi driver we’ve had here) light. This cement truck, however, would just blast through the red light without even tapping the breaks. I saw this happen at three stop lights in a row since we kept passing it in between lights. Additionally, apparently, there is no need to stop and look while trying to make a right hand turn onto a street. Even though the pedestrians have the right of way, buses, cars, motos will just power through and it’s up to you, the pedestrian, to look out for them and not get hit. I must say a bus came pretty close to plowing me into a paper doll at one point. Staying in your lanes is also more of an option than a requirement. Many a times I have seen a car attempt to switch lanes and then get bored or something and just stop mid switch and drive down the highway in the middle of two lanes as if it’s no big deal. O and the shoulder on the highway is also a legit lane if you want it to be. And if you feel the need to have a party while on the highway, it’s not unusual to just pull over and have a pow-wow with you and thirty closest friends right there on the highway with all the speeding cars passing you by.

O and I’ve seen a driver here drive their automatic in 2^nd gear (instead of D for drive) for the entire ride. Ooh China.